Chasing the Ghost of a Good Thing
by earwig
Summary: Stacey reflects on the loves of her life.


TITLE: Chasing the Ghost of a Good Thing  
AUTHOR: earwig  
PAIRING: Stacey/Sam, Stacey/Claudia  
RATING: G  
SUMMARY: Stacey reflects on her most significant romantic relationships  
DISCLAIMER: The characters of the Baby-Sitters Club belong to their owner. No copyright infringement intended.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written for automatic_door for the Yuletide 2008 challenge. She wanted Stacey at NYU in the future, reflecting on the BSC, and said she'd always pictured Stacey as bisexual. This was my attempt to fill those requests. Thanks to leobrat and normative_jean for the betas. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

Stacey hurried up the steps of the subway stop, and out onto the street. She pulled her coat tighter around her body as the cold of the January air hit her.

Next time, she vowed to herself, Jessi was coming to her, not the other way around.

She walked as quickly as she could towards the Starbucks where they'd agreed to meet. She gave a sigh of relief when she pushed open the doors, feeling the heat and smell of coffee instantly begin to warm her. She glanced around the crowded coffee shop, but didn't spot Jessi anywhere. She rolled her eyes. These days, expecting Jessi to be on time for anything was too much to ask.

Stacey stood on line waiting to order. She eyed the sugary mochas and frappuccino's wistfully. She wanted one so badly, but knew that with her diabetes it was something she just couldn't risk. One of the nice parts about hanging out with Jessi, though, was that with her strict dance diet, she probably wouldn't have to stare at one in envy across the table.

She reached the front of the line, and placed her order for a venti coffee of the day, and moved aside, waiting for the barrista to fill her order.

Coffee in hand, and still no sign of Jessi, she sat down at a nearby table and pulled out her Entertainment Law textbook. Years ago, when she'd been collecting dues for the Baby-Sitters Club, she'd had no idea that she'd end up an accounting major of all things. Accountants were boring with bad fashion sense. But her love of math and pressure from her father to find a practical outlet for it had led her to business school, and from business school to accounting.

She refused to dress the part, however. Her wild ensembles of her middle and high school days had given way to dark denim and black, just as her perm had given way to a flat iron. But she'd be damned if she'd ever wear navy blue pinstripes and boxy suits.

She was just settling in with her coffee and highlighter, when Jessi came bounding in through the door with her effortless grace. Stacey looked up to take a drink of her coffee, and spotted her, raising a hand in greeting.

Jessi waved back eagerly, joining the line for drinks.

Stacey laughed a little to herself, and bent back down over her textbook, waiting for Jessi to join her.

In short order, she did, cup of herbal tea in hand. She threw herself into the chair across from Stacey's, apologizing profusely. "I'm so sorry I'm late," she babbled. "Class ran over and then I had to fight for the showers, and well, I'm sorry." She smiled. "I hope you weren't waiting too long."

Stacey shook her head. "Not at all." She closed the textbook, highlighter in between the pages to mark her place and slipped it back into her bag. "Besides, it gave me a chance to catch up on some of my reading. I don't want to get behind."

Jessi rolled her eyes. "You're two weeks into the new semester. I think it's a little early to be worried about being behind."

"True." Stacey took a sip of her coffee. "So how's Mallory? I missed seeing her at Christmas."

"She's good. She wanted to come home, but her dorm was one of the few that stayed open for international students over winter break, so she had to stay and work. She loves Bryn Mawr, though." Jessi paused before continuing, eyeing Stacey warily. "How's Claudia?"

Stacey sighed. The summer before she left for college, she and Claudia had tried to see if their friendship wasn't more than friendship. Both of them had horrible luck with boys and they were already so close, that it just seemed natural. But while the attraction had certainly been there, they hadn't worked as a couple, particularly not in their small hometown. They'd broken up, vowing to stay friends, but things were still awkward from time to time. Jessi was one of the few of their friends that actually knew about the relationship, something Stacey had confessed while a little tipsy one night. The next morning she'd made Jessi swear never to tell anyone, and to the best of her knowledge Jessi had kept that promise, but from then on Jessi always treaded lightly at mentions of Stacey's best friend.

"She's fine," Stacey said finally. "She loves RISD, and did I tell you that she met someone?"

"No!" Jessi exclaimed, propping her elbows up on the table and leaning forward. "Who?"

"Her name is Allison, and she's a sculptor." Stacey grinned. "Claud sounded very smitten when I pried the details out of her at Christmas."

"Shut up!" Jessi narrowed her eyes. "Do her parents know?"

"That she's dating a girl?" Stacey scoffed. "Is Claudia back in Providence?"

"Good point."

Jessi leaned back in her chair. "It's strange how we've all spread out."

Stacey shrugged. "We grew up. It was bound to happen."

"I know, but we're both in New York, Mal's in Pennsylvania, Dawn ended up at Berkley, Kristy is at UConn playing softball, Claudia's in Rhode Island, and Mary Anne is Kentucky of all places."

Stacey wrinkled her nose. "I still can't believe she and Logan got back together, again. You'd think that enough is enough."

"Oh, I don't know," Jessi said, eyes twinkling. "Someone else I know has been dating someone on and off since the eighth grade. Mary Anne and Logan aren't the only ones." She took a sip of her tea and asked innocently. "How is Sam, anyway?"

Stacey crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive posture. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she sniffed. "If you want to know about Kristy's brother, I suggest you ask her."

"So he had nothing to do with the reason you rushed back to New York for New Year's?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Stacey repeated.

She and Jessi stared at each other, each daring the other to crack.

Stacey blinked first. "Fine. If I did know anything about Sam, I would tell you that he's doing fine and that law school is kicking his ass."

"So, hypothetically that wouldn't leave him much time for a girlfriend, say…you," Jessi murmured sympathetically. "Hypothetically, of course."

"Hypothetically, no. And it would suck."

The girls fell silent, each sipping their drinks.

"How's your love life?" Stacey asked finally. "And don't give me the crap about you not having one."

Jessi grinned. "Well, if we're still dealing in hypothetical's…"

"We are," Stacey assured.

"Well, then I could say hypothetically that there might be a guy. Maybe. It's too early to tell."

"That's far too evasive, even for hypothetical's," Stacey complained. "At least you have names where I'm concerned."

Jessi laughed. "Fine. Hypothetically, his name might be Andrei."

"Ooh, foreign." Stacey waggled her eyebrows. "Well done."

"Shut up," Jessi ordered, trying to stave off a blush. She glanced down at her watch. "Shoot, I have to get back for another class." She stood. "I'm sorry to drink and run, but…"

"I understand," Stacey said, waving the apology off. She scooped up her bag and stood as well. "Hypothetically, I have plans for tonight anyway, so I should really get back to my dorm to do some more studying before I go out."

"Well then, it'd be a shame for me to have kept you longer anyway." Jessi stepped forward to give Stacey a hug. "Say hi to Sam for me, and give me a call when you want to meet for coffee again."

"Will do," Stacey said, returning the hug. "Just so you know, next time you're coming to me."

Jessi laughed as they walked out of the coffee shop, and turned in opposite directions, Stacey back to the subway and Jessi back to Juilliard.

Stacey turned up the collar of her jacket and walked as quickly as she could back to the subway stop.

She went down the stairs and boarded her train, counting herself as fortunate to have found a seat. She rested her head against the glass and thought about her conversation with Jessi. It wasn't often anymore that she let herself think about what she and Claudia had almost been.

The first time they'd kissed, it had been an impulse, nothing more. One moment they were laying next to each other companionably on Stacey's bed the way they'd done a thousand times before, bemoaning their bad luck with their latest boyfriends, and the next they were wrapped in each other's arms, kissing as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

And it had been.

That summer had been incredible. They'd already known everything about each other, so there was none of the getting to know you awkwardness of a new relationship. Mostly things had just stayed the same, except for the fact that they were kissing each other every chance they got.

Stacey had never really sneaked around before that, and she hadn't realized how hotthat could be. Sneaking into dark corners, springing apart when footsteps could be heard coming towards them, knowing they had a secret that no one else did… It had made everything so much more intense.

But then the summer ended, and Stacey had left for New York, while Claudia had stayed behind to finish high school. They'd decided that their friendship was more important than any romance that was probably doomed to die the death of a long distance relationship, but a part of Stacey had always wondered what would have happened if they'd both left the smothering confines of Stoneybrook at the same time. Would things have lasted? Or would it have always ended?

What would it have meant for her and Sam, who she still couldn't quite get out of her heart nearly ten years after they met?

She was pretty sure she loved him. Pretty sure that he loved her.

Neither of them was willing to commit to that, had ever been willing to commit to that. They had fun. They were wildly attracted to each other and had so much fun in bed it was a wonder that they ever left it when they were together. They had grown to be really good friends over the years, better friends than Stacey was now with some of her former club members, ashamed as she was to admit it.

Next to Claudia, Sam was probably her best friend in the world, and she sometimes thought that was why they could never quite get their act together; if the risk of screwing up their friendship had grown to be too great, even though they'd never really been just friends.

Maybe all she was ever going to be with either of them was friends. Maybe it was time to go all in with either relationship and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe she'd had too much coffee and she'd lost her mind.

She shook her head and stood.

When the train pulled into her station, she stepped out of the car and bounded up the stairs to the street.

As she walked, she rummaged through her bag, digging for her cell phone. When her fingers closed around it, she smiled in triumph, pulling it out and flipping it open.

She took a deep breath and hit a number on her speed dial. As the phone rang, her stomach tangled itself into knots, worrying about what she was going to say when they picked up.

"Hello?" a voice answered on the other end.

"Hi, it's me. Look, we need to talk."


End file.
